Monday, March 14, 2011

It’s a Wonderful Life!

We all know at this movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” that comes on T.V during the Christmas holidays. It starts James Stewart which plays a business man that become frustrated with life’s issues. He considers suicide to end his unwavering lifestyle, but an angel intervenes to show him how life would be without his existence. As you watched the movie, you’ll see every segment without his existence and presence every person that he’s meant to be involved among becomes frail with life’s fiery wrath. So the movie starts playing the “WHAT IF” game.

Well for the past week or so, I was faced with this type of dilemma, but without the suicide attempt. I’ve been on this journey of wellness for almost 20 years. You go through your influx of emotions of whining, debating, doubts, analyzing and frustration. Through all of that internal drama, somehow you manage to uproot your stagnation and move fluidly back into rhythm. My incident wasn’t any differ, but there were some powerful revelation. So many it take separate blogs to talk about it. This is just getting my dance back in groove again. I was just smiling while I type that statement. I guess, I’ll say it again; THIS IS JUST GETTING MY DANCE BACK IN GROOVE AGAIN…ahhhh that felt better.

I had a death in the family this pass week. I haven’t seen my family in awhile, accept on face book. As always you haven’t seen people since you were younger, or haven’t been around family functions. Everything is very overwhelming internally. You smile, nod your head, laugh at jokes, but you still feel invisible. You are floating incoherently just allowing the currency to take you farther away from your self. Why I’m a feeling this way? These are my family, why do I feel like a stranger? Maybe I am a stranger? Why do I feel so tense? I don’t know what to think now.

In my world, I’ve been reading, writing, exercising, experiencing new belongings, being more self-aware and just being open to new possibilities. Why I’m not expressing my true authentic self? What I’m afraid of; maybe I’ll expose myself being too vulnerable? Questions, questions and more questions.

Through all of your spiritual progression, you try to take your stance with certain thoughts and still be apart of fabric of the majority, but sometimes it doesn’t work because you are alone. You can’t fight this battle only with one person, which is you. You express yourself and people don’t understand what you’re talking about. All they can say, Man that’s deep!!!. That’s the end of that conversation.

What happen through my internal drama, I went on a emotional eating spree. I ate what I want, when I wanted. I didn’t exercise; I was drinking; I didn’t write…. I did nothing!!!! But got sick. I became congested, severed throat pain, and weak. I realized I had to go through this pain. I had to sweep back into darkness to learn this lesson. I needed to feel what it would be like, if I ever stop growing spiritual, mentally and physically. I had to feel despair and loneliness in the worst way possible. I was playing the mental game of “WHAT IF”. These are the patterns I’ve gone through many times, but this was tell all in your face I’m gonna whoop yo ass kinda thang. I got spiritually school. I will share some of those personal revelations in my up-coming blogs and maybe you can learn or shared some of your experiences.

We all have a purpose to fulfill for the greater good for humanity. We all are connected with electromagnetic field of all material and immaterial things. We will go through many obstacles to find that perfect way, but it’s never perfect, instead it’s the imperfection that makes it perfect. This makes it “It’s a Wonderful Life”. Life is forever changing.

What kind of obstacles you went through your spiritual journey? What lesson did you learn?