Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Childhood Sensuality

There is something intriguing about being a woman and other feminine energy that encompass sensuality. I notice, when I see something sexy or sensuous, I become aroused not sexually but excited. It’s that innate feeling that you are connected to your sexual vibration; your true authenticity. Women has a mystic factor that contribute to all living organism to their whole well-being, this contribution is the nurturing; it’s the love; it’s the affection; it’s the sweet nectar of energy; it’s the oceanic rapture of our water, when you become thirsty; it’s the balance of feminine and masculine energy and the connection of the Universal Power; the Cosmic Mother.

Over my adolescent years, I wanted to learn the existence in sexiness. I am interested in the movement, inner beauty; that essential mystery of sexiness. When I’m feeling down or despair, I know something beautiful attract me and make me feel better. It puts a smile on my face, for some reason. It makes me feel alive, juicy and striking. It’s a divine honor being a woman. It gives an underlying power that is very subtle, but grows very intensely. There is one factor that most women don’t think about, that is type of energy, your sexual energy; stems from your belly. This is the storage of your energy power, but your yoni/vagina help generate that movement. It’s a pondering feeling of warmth that conquest all over your body. I’ve never been this type of woman before, but it seemingly has always been there.

I remember being a little girl; I was always carefree, while other things bad were going on. I had confident; I was much wiser beyond my years, smart, intelligent and love being around my elders. I wasn’t a girlie girl, per say, but I always wore dresses. People always assume I was a Jehovah Witness, whatever that means, but I never really thought about it, though. Maybe, I just like wearing dresses, who knows?

I came from a Christianity background. We never discuss anything about sexuality. I was very captivated about sex, as a child, though; sneaking looking at porno, only through the wiggly lines, if you had cable. That’s when the Playboy channel was popular, even if you couldn’t get the clarity of the Playboy channel, you still got particle of some footage. I could only get a glimpse at the prospects. I did witness the sound effects of different moans and groans. It was something excited about the
vibration that connects with my sexuality.

I also remember playing hide-go-get. This exploration was so lustful and lighthearted and the infatuated sound of your childish moans and groans was wonderful. Having guys feeling on your butt; rubbing against your body; using their hands exploring different surfaces around your anatomy, I guess we all was looking at the wiggly lines and playing the roles. But most of these innocent, playful caresses were done in clothes.

My favorite pastime is kissing; still is presently. I remember my first kiss, when I was in the fourth grade and he was in the seventh grade. We move into an apartment complex, after my mom’s separation. He was my first boy crush. I thought, he was the cutest thing, ever. He also had a sister that was a little younger than me, so she was my playmate. I always went over to their house, but they couldn’t come outside, though, because their mom was working. So we use to play with the screen door open, they were still in the house, while I was outside, but we manage to play creatively. Over time my crush and I got more acquainted getting to know each other. As I, I’m writing this blog, I think that was my first initial tantric moment. We always sat in a lotus position in front of a screen, touching our hand against the screen, trying to get some vibration; having our childlike intimate moments. I thought I was in love. Yeah, it was that deep. We always talk about kissing each other and how it would feel. Finally that day had arrived, when we was to encounter our first kiss. When you know, this is it, you start to get butterflies in your stomach, but now I know this your sexual energy awaken. After pacing, stepping back and forth; teasing the moment; palms sweating; little sister in the background laughing. At last, WE DID IT!!!!! It was quick and painless. It was very sweet, considering we were so young. I think later my crush move out the apartment complex and never seen him again.

As I got older, I notice my sexual energy becoming more mature. While most girls was having sex early during high school; talking about the penis size; giving oral sex; how he sex her hard, I mostly interested in the intimacy aspect. I love the closeness his body; the hand holding; sensuous kissing, slow caressing; intimate conversations. Maybe I was well developing and full figure in high school. I notice most guys weren’t attractive to a figure like mines, but mostly mature boys appreciated my body type. It was easier asking questions about sex from intelligence of maturity. My curious question gave me insight about sex in a physical introspection. I was on this quest about alchemy of sexuality. Learning about this energy that is circulating inside my body and why does it become so intense around a person you’ve become attract to? I knew sex was sacred and spiritual, but I couldn’t articulate back when I was younger.

Right now as a 30 something female, I’m going back to my innocents; back to my childhood; the learning of easy sexuality. This is my emergency rekindling my sacred femininity; Living in my true essence of who I am as a divine woman, co-existing with mother earth; balancing it with the sacred masculine energy. This is my own sacred journey being shared with other divine feminine energy. I have many insecurities, but using this sensual journey to become molded into my ancestral Goddesses. This energy is ripe and ready to be eaten, cultivated, transmuted and transcendence to other level. THE TIME IS NOW!!!!!


  1. I love the way you express yourself. This literature of yours is very nice. I was smiling all the way through the reading. Keep up the good work and please do not stop. Hope to hear from you soon. I know that it has been awhile but due to employment reasons I have not been able to communicate much with anyone. If you wish you can email me @ Stay in touch with your pen. Salaam, Peace.

  2. Hey, Ricky you made me smile. Thank you for reading my blog. I hope everything is peaceful for you. You have beautiful writing skills yourself.I will surely e-mail you.